Tips to Get Your Kids to Listen to You: What Finally Worked After 6 Years of Yelling

I used to repeat myself at least seventeen times before my kids would actually do what I asked. “Put on your shoes.” Nothing. “Put on your shoes.” Still nothing. “PUT ON YOUR SHOES!” Finally, movement. But by then, I was exhausted, frustrated, and honestly? Feeling like a complete failure as a parent.

Sound familiar? If you’re tired of yelling, repeating yourself until you’re hoarse, and feeling like your kids have selective hearing, you’re not alone. The reality is that most of us were never taught how to communicate with kids in a way their developing brains can actually process and respond to.

After six years of struggling, consulting with pediatric experts, and testing every strategy I could find, I finally figured out what actually works. These aren’t theoretical tips from someone without kids—these are battle-tested strategies that transformed how my family communicates. If you’re ready for tips to get your kids to listen to you that create real change (not just temporary compliance), let’s dive in.

Why Kids Don’t Listen (And Why It’s Not Because They’re Being Difficult)

Here’s what changed everything for me: understanding that when kids don’t listen, it’s usually not defiance. Their brains literally work differently from ours, and we’re often communicating in ways they can’t process.

Young children’s prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for focus, impulse control, and following directions—isn’t fully developed. When we bark orders from across the room while they’re deeply engaged in play, their brain physically cannot switch gears that quickly. According to experts at the CDC, children need specific communication strategies that align with their developmental stage to effectively process and respond to requests.

Understanding this completely shifted my perspective. My kids weren’t ignoring me because they didn’t respect me. They were ignoring me because I was asking their brains to do something they literally couldn’t do yet. Once I adjusted how I communicated, everything changed.

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The Mistakes I Made That Made Everything Worse

Before I figured out what worked, I made every mistake in the book. And honestly? Some of these mistakes are so common that you’ve probably made them too.

Mistake 1: Yelling from Another Room – I’d shout instructions from the kitchen while my kids played in the living room. They couldn’t hear me properly, weren’t making eye contact, and had no reason to stop what they were doing.

Mistake 2: Giving Long Explanations – “I need you to put your shoes on because we’re leaving in five minutes, and if you don’t put them on now, we’ll be late and then we won’t have time to stop at the park like I promised.” By word seven, they’d tuned out completely.

Mistake 3: Repeating the Same Thing Over and Over – I thought if I said it enough times, eventually they’d respond. All this did was teach them they could ignore me until I hit my breaking point.

Mistake 4: Threatening Consequences I Didn’t Follow Through On – “If you don’t clean up right now, no tablet for a week!” Then I’d give in after two days. Kids learn fast when our words don’t match our actions.

Mistake 5: Not Getting Their Attention First – I’d launch into instructions without checking if they were even listening. Of course, they didn’t respond—they never heard me in the first place.

Once I understood these mistakes, I could finally implement strategies that actually worked.

20+ Tips to Get Your Kids to Listen to You (That Actually Work)

After years of trial and error, here are the strategies that transformed our household from chaos to cooperation.

Connection-Based Strategies

Get on Their Level Physically – This is the single most powerful change I made. Instead of talking to my kids from standing height, I kneel down, make eye contact, and wait until they’re looking at me. Research from the Institute for Family Studies shows that this simple act increases compliance by over 60%.

Touch Gently While Speaking – A soft hand on the shoulder, a gentle touch on the arm—physical connection activates the part of their brain that processes social connection. It’s like pressing a “pay attention” button.

Use Their Name First – “Sarah. Sarah, look at me. Thank you. It’s time to put your shoes on.” Using their name gets their attention before you make the request.

Connect Before You Correct – Spend 30 seconds connecting with your child before asking them to do something. “What are you building? That’s so cool! Hey, in two minutes we need to clean up for dinner, okay?”

Create Rituals That Build Connection – When kids feel connected to you, they naturally want to cooperate more. We started doing a two-minute check-in every morning, and behavior improved across the board.

Communication Strategies

Keep Instructions Short and Simple – One sentence. That’s it. “Please put your cup in the sink” works infinitely better than a paragraph about why we don’t leave cups lying around.

Speak More Quietly, Not Louder – This sounds counterintuitive, but when I started speaking in a quieter voice, my kids leaned in to hear me. Yelling just teaches them to tune out loud voices.

Give Them Time to Process – Count to five in your head after giving an instruction. Kids need processing time. If you repeat yourself before they’ve had time to respond, you’re training them to ignore the first request.

Use “When/Then” Language – “When you put your toys away, then we can have a snack.” This gives them a clear sequence and motivation without feeling like a threat.

Ask Them to Repeat Back – “What did I just ask you to do?” This ensures they heard and understood, and it holds them accountable.

Describe What You See Instead of Commanding – Instead of “Clean up your toys!” try “I see toys all over the floor.” Often, kids will respond better to observation than demands.

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Timing and Environment Strategies

Give Warnings Before Transitions – “In five minutes, we’re leaving for school.” Then, “Two more minutes.” Then, “One minute—time to get your shoes.” Transitions are hard for kids; warnings help their brains prepare.

Reduce Distractions First – Turn off the TV. Put down the tablet. Remove competing sensory input. Kids can’t listen when their brain is engaged elsewhere.

Choose Your Battles – Not everything is worth a fight. I stopped trying to get my kids to listen to things that didn’t really matter, and saved my energy for things that did.

Time Requests Strategically – Don’t ask kids to do something during their favorite show or right when they’ve started a game. Wait for natural breaks when possible.

Create Routines They Can Anticipate – When the same things happen at the same time every day, you don’t have to ask as much. The routine itself becomes the instruction.

Positive Reinforcement Strategies

Notice When They DO Listen – “Thank you for putting your cup in the sink the first time I asked. That was so helpful!” Specific praise reinforces the behavior you want.

Use Natural Consequences, Not Punishments – If they don’t put dirty clothes in the hamper, they don’t get washed. Natural consequences teach without creating power struggles.

Celebrate Small Wins – Did they respond after only two requests instead of ten? That’s progress! Acknowledge it.

Create a “Listening Chart” for Younger Kids – Not as a punishment system, but as a visual way to track and celebrate good listening. Stickers work wonders with the under-8 crowd.

Model Good Listening Yourself – When your kids talk to you, stop what you’re doing, make eye contact, and listen. They learn what good listening looks like by watching you. Understanding different parenting approaches, like soft parenting versus more authoritarian methods, can help you find what aligns with your family’s values.

Advanced Strategies for Persistent Issues

Have “Connection Time” Daily – Ten minutes of one-on-one attention where your child leads the play and you follow. Kids who get regular connection time are more cooperative overall.

Use Playful Approaches – “Can you hop to the bathroom like a bunny to brush your teeth?” Playfulness engages their brain differently and reduces resistance.

Offer Limited Choices – “Do you want to put your shoes on first or your coat on first?” Giving choices creates buy-in while still getting the task done.

Whisper Instead of Yelling – Seriously, try it. Whisper your instruction and watch them lean in to hear. It completely changes the dynamic.

Use “I Notice” Statements – “I notice you’re having trouble listening when I’m far away. Let me come closer.” This teaches them about themselves without blame.

Create Visual Reminders – Pictures of the morning routine, checklists for bedtime—visual cues reduce the need to constantly verbally remind.

Address Underlying Needs – Is your child hungry? Tired? Overwhelmed? Sometimes “not listening” is actually “I have an unmet need.” Our conversation starters for kids can help you identify what’s really going on.

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Age-Specific Tips to Get Your Kids to Listen to You

For Toddlers (Ages 1-3):

• Use very simple, one-step directions
  
• Physically guide them while giving instructions.
  
• Distract and redirect rather than demanding compliance.
  
• Get down to their level every single time.
  
• Expect to repeat yourself often—this is developmentally normal.
  

For Preschoolers (Ages 3-5):

• Two-step directions are the max
  
• Use timers for transitions.
  
• Make listening into a game.
  
• Give lots of warnings before transitions.
  
• Use songs and playfulness.
  

For Early Elementary (Ages 5-8):

• They can handle multi-step directions now
  
• Hold them accountable by asking them to repeat back.
  
• Natural consequences become effective.
  
• They respond well to systems like charts.
  
• Start teaching them about listening as a skill.
  

For Older Kids (Ages 9+):

• Include them in problem-solving
  
• Ask “What would help you remember?”
  
• Give them more autonomy with natural consequences.
  
• Have conversations about communication
  
• Model mutual respect in how you listen to them
  

Understanding Different Parenting Styles

If you’re curious about how your current parenting approach compares to established frameworks, exploring parenting styles can be incredibly helpful. Different kids respond to different approaches, and what works for one family might need adjustment for another. Understanding whether you lean more toward authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, or other styles helps you recognize patterns and make intentional changes. For deeper reading on this topic, check out some of the best parenting books that break down these frameworks in practical ways.

What to Do When Nothing Seems to Work

Even with all these strategies, some days are just hard. Here’s what to do when your kids still won’t listen:

Check for Underlying Issues – Is your child struggling at school? Having friendship problems? Going through a developmental leap? Sometimes behavior is communication.

Evaluate Your Own Stress – Kids pick up on our energy. When I’m stressed and short-tempered, my kids’ listening gets worse. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Research published in NIH studies confirms that parental stress significantly impacts parent-child communication patterns.

Reduce Overall Demands – Are you asking too much too often? Sometimes we need to reduce the number of requests we’re making in a day.

Reconnect – When things fall apart, stop trying to get compliance and just connect. A hug, a laugh, five minutes of play—reset the relationship, then try again.

Seek Professional Support – If listening issues are severe and persistent despite consistent strategies, talk to your pediatrician. Sometimes there are underlying issues like auditory processing difficulties or attention challenges.

Remember, they’re Still Learning – Just like learning to read or ride a bike, learning to listen takes time and practice. They will get better.

Understanding Your Parenting Style Better

Not sure if your current approach is working? Try our parenting style quiz to get insights into how you’re currently parenting and where you might want to adjust. Many parents find that understanding their own style helps them communicate more intentionally with their kids.

Common Questions Parents Ask Me

“How long before I see results from these strategies?”

Some strategies work immediately—like getting on their level and making eye contact. Others take 2-3 weeks of consistency before you see a change. The key is consistency. If you only do it sometimes, kids learn they can wait you out.

“What if my partner isn’t on board with these approaches?”

Start with what you can control—your own interactions with your kids. When your partner sees the difference, they often become curious. You can also share resources with them. Mayo Clinic’s parenting resources provide evidence-based information that might resonate with them.

“My child has ADHD. Do these strategies still work?”

Yes, but you may need to adapt them. Kids with ADHD often need more processing time, more visual reminders, and more frequent check-ins. The core principles still apply—you just may need to amplify them.

“Is it too late if my kids are already older?”

It’s never too late! Older kids might question the change at first (“Why are you being weird?”), But if you’re consistent, they’ll adjust. You might even explain: “I’m trying something different because I want our family to communicate better.”

The Real Secret to Getting Kids to Listen

Here’s what I wish someone had told me six years ago: tips to get your kids to listen to you aren’t really about tips at all. They’re about fundamentally changing how we view our relationship with our children.

When I stopped seeing myself as the boss who gives orders and started seeing myself as a guide who teaches skills, everything shifted. When I stopped taking their “not listening” as disrespect and started seeing it as a developmental stage they’re moving through, I stopped taking it personally.

The goal isn’t obedient robots who jump at every command. The goal is to raise humans who understand communication, respect themselves and others, and learn to be responsive members of a family and society.

Some days are still hard. Last week, my daughter ignored me seventeen times before finally putting on her shoes (yes, I counted). But most days? Most days are so much better than they used to be. And that’s progress worth celebrating.

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Frequently Asked Questions